“The RealTouch lets you boldly go where so many men have wanted to go before—all in the comfort of your home.”

“Inside, the RealTouch is tantalizingly warm and moist with a soft but firm tug that—when combined with specially encoded video from the online RealTouch Theater you’re connected to via USB — actually puts you in the POV of your porn star of choice.”

“Physically, the device takes a little getting used to, but once you’re past the initial awkwardness and into the groove, literally and figuratively, you’re in for the orgasm of your life. But let me pass along my father’s warning about about airplane travel: “Don’t fly first-class until you can afford it every trip,” he said. “Because once you do it, you’ll never settle for coach again.” A similar cautioning applies here: The RealTouch is such a sizzling ride, it could make the act of simply jerking in front of your computer obsolete.”